Entries: (Chris) One game - 45 mins even

Scene - (Tree's behind Park 10 Parklea),

This goes doon in history as one of the worst Kip debuts ever. At least big Liam scored on his !!!

Young Chris (only 19) was given his first game in a friendly against Strathkelvin Thistle to claim the No 1 Jersey that so many people want - NOT !!! After 15 mins the Kip were 4- 0 doon, every shot on target went in. Then the last straw came when he was collecting the baw from the tree's, at the back parks of Parklea after one of the Strathkelvin players blazed a shot high and wide.

He came running oot the tree's with the baw in his hands and laced it up the park before he had even reached the goal or touchline. The Ref blew his whistle and told him it was a bye kick....

At half time the wee man was dragged af, and to make matters worse for him - Chopper replaced him in goal.

He aint been back since, can you blame him - but he goes down as a Kip Legend.

He might naw be here to collect the trophy come May, but would have been one of the favourites to win it.

Picture of the Parklea trees to come !!!

________________________________________________________________

Entries: (Big Eck No3) Never a linesman

Scene - (Battery Park Touchline),

Big Alex got lumbered with the flag for the game against West Kilbride. He stayed up beside the Corner Flag to avoid getting pelters from the Kip sidelines. In fact I don't think he moved up and down the line. After a few dodgy half raised flag decisions he had the West Kilbride sidelines giving him abuse. In fact that much abuse the referee had a word with him about how bad a linesman he was.

________________________________________________________________

Entries: (Richie) I'll get the baw for yiz lads

Scene - (Ballerup bushes),

Richie on his first outing with the Kip fast became a legend with him trying to get Stuarty to take his money in Dougies absence, then opening his first Pontoon he had 21 and won the £20. Played Chase the Ace naw having a clue how to play it and took everybodys money, swapping a 6 when he just gave away a 2 !!! When we got to Ballerup he had nae boots or shinnies, so he borrowed Stuart's to stand on the sidelines. With the Kip 2-1 down, the bold Richie came belting onto the park. The Kip managed to turn the game around and went 3-2 ahead. With about 5 minutes to go Richie wellies a shot over the bar and with us trying to play time out, he goes and gets the baw for the keeper, the keeper had taken the bye kick before he was back on the park. To his credit he got the forth goal which killed the game, if he put the lottery on that night he would have won it !!!

________________________________________________________________

Entries: (Kinny) £65 Whopper in 3 hours.

Scene - (Big Dougan's Hoose),

A few of the Kippers were up in Jim Dougans house watching the Barca v Celtic game after training, the subject of food came up. The biggest burger story was in the papers that day, 11 pounds all in, and if you could finish it in three hours you didny have to pay for it. But the bold Kinny said there was 6 pounds of salad wae it, "even the celtic and barca players stopped and looked at him". The wee man tried to play it doon and cover up his error, but he never stood a chance. So it went from 6 pounds of salad, to a Tesco truck full of tomatos, cucumbers, lettuce, to a field a greenery wi a dozen rabbits on it for two weeks still wouldny clear it. I reckon you'd dae it in two hours Kinny, but you would have most of the salad hanging af that Tash.

________________________________________________________________

Entries: (Scott Wilson) Sailing Accross the sea - to be with my Uncle Sam.

Scene - (Cal-Mac Ferry - Gourock or Dunoon),

After a year and half of lying low, the Wilson boy is back with a bang. Scott and the boys headed for Dunoon on the Saturday for an overnight stay to see the Charlatans. With them all staying at different places, Scott and Blainey were up first and decided to head for the early Ferry back to Gourock. They made the Ferry and the Sunday early morning showing of the Premiership was on, so they settled doon to take in the fitba. About 45 mins later the bold Scosh turns to Blaney and says "I think we've hit a sandbank" this is taking ages. Once the Premiership has finished, they head outside and the Ferry is pulling into Dunoon again.

How the hell can you forget to get af a Ferry, there only is wan stop !!!

Did he think everyone was going for a slash at the same time, when they were aw getting af at Gourock.

Needless to say he never got af at Dunoon, An hour and a half Ferry trip - What a legend !!!

Then again - it would have better if the remainder of the boys were waiting to board with daft Wilson on board.

Picture of a Cal Mac Ferry to come !!!

________________________________________________________________

Entries: (Scott Wilson) Knicker Blocker Glory.

Scene - (Scott Wilsons fitba bag),

YES, it's the same guy, on the week building up to Christmas the Kip had 5 asides up the Lady Octavia to keep the troops ticking over though the festive period. The Sunday after the Kip boys Xmas night in the Riley, Oozie gets a phone call from Wilson asking if he knew who put a set of knickers in his Fitba bag after 5 asides, as the good lady wasny happy about it. Ooz didny have a clue and nobody mentioned they had done anything that night at the Riley. The Next Wednesday at 5 asides arrived and we all discussed if anybody had done it. Nobody knew a thing about it, and nobody would probably risk getting someone into trouble like.

William Hills had odds on who put them there, but there was no winner !!!

Looks like Scott put Claire's there himself by mistake or his Y's are like knickers.

Picture of Wilsons Knickers to come !!!

________________________________________________________________

Entries: (Scott Wilson) Anyone got change of a Quid ?.

Scene - (The Superbowl Paisley),

At that delayed xmas night out in January, the Kip Troops headed for a bit of ten pin bowling before a night out in Glasgow. We had just arrived and everyone was giving the lassie there shoe size, when the Wilson boy decided he wanted to have a wee gamble on one of the puggie machines. Within seconds one of the machines was making a racket giving out change. The daft bat had put a pound coin in a 2p change machine. All the wanes and there parents stopped playing the 2p machines to see what all the racket was about.

He obviously couldny have seen the big 2p signs on the front and side of the machine.

He redeemed himself a little by giving the kids his heavy change.

________________________________________________________________

Entries: (Besty) Keen as musturd.

Scene - (Park 15 Parklea),

With the Kip asking for a free week because it was Garys engagement party on the Friday night, the boys decided to arrange just a bounce game on the Saturday. First at Parklea was Besty as usual bursting to get a kick of a baw. Besty was first oot the changing room, and away he went with the baw. About 5 minutes later the remainder of the troops were ready and headed out to the old park 1 nearest to the changing room where we always play. When we got out, there was no sign of Besty. So we're all standing there with nae baw. The daft nut headed for the furthest away parks himself blootering a baw aboot. It got to the stage we were standing that long, that Oozie had to go and get a spare baw from the boot of his motor. Eventually once we got the spare baw, you could see Besty in the distance up at Port Chop blootering the baw up in the air and then trying to trap it with them famous St George's cross boots of his. When he eventually came all the way back down, his reaction was "Yiz naw coming up"

________________________________________________________________

Entries: (Chopper) Ello Ello Ello

Scene - (Battery Park bench),

With the bold Chopper banned until the end of the season with his "Away and Lie on ma ribs" comments to the ref up at Millerston. He's always somewhere abouts in disguise on a Saturday with a cargo trying to get a piece of the Kip action. The Kip were at home to Lochgilphead Red Star, when they had a free kick everyone on the park stopped at looked towards Chopper and Kinny who were sitting on the bench behind the goal with two policemen taking there Tennants Lager off them. It was like a scene from Jack and Victor. Kinny managed to lob his loot into a bush before the police arrived, but Chopper was caught red handed.

Another fine and ban for the big bad manager.

Choppers Hide Oot Up on the Hill

________________________________________________________________

WINNER

CAPTAIN OF THE SHIP 2004/2005

Scott Wilson - "We are Sailing"