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Entries: (Tony the No.2)

Scene: Battery Park (Pre-season) Without us even reached the big kick off, the big No.2 manages to make the first entry onto this seasons "Captain of the Ship" award, on flicking through his "NEW" attendance sheet, he comes out with "This guy Darren called me last night saying he was sorry he couldn't make it to Monday night training at Parklea because he couldn't get a Tow", he jokingly says to us "Was he coming over in a f****ng boat" he then proceeds to tell us the guy told him he will be at Parklea on Wednesday night for sure, so Tony tells us "I told him "go to Parklea if you want mate, but we're training at the Battery". After tearing the guy up for arse paper, he turns to us all and says "Does anyone know who the f*** this guy Darren is ???" George points to the new guy standing right behind him and says "that's him there".
SOME INTRODUCTION TO THE KIP BOYS EH....

Can you Tow me to Parklea big yin......

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Entries: (Aitch) The Committee strike again

Scene - (His mates works printer), The bold Aitch has kicked of his Committee career in style when given his first task to supply the tickets for the Kip Presentation bash in the Morton Supporters.  He appears at the Lady Octavia for 5 asides with him clutching the gold dust presentation tickets, the quality and the design of the tickets were superb, but going by Aitchie's past we were expecting some sort of balls up along the way, yep - printed in bold writing across the top of the ticket............ - "INVERKIRK THISTLE AFC" 

Mon i KIRK !!!

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Entries: (Dougie)

Scene - (Parklea), On getting asked to go back to changing room number 8 to collect 5 yellow tops for the Subs, The Dougmiester sprints off...... he appears 5 minutes later without any tops.
The Doug's reply "What number 8, the one on the left or the one on the right ???"

There only is 12 doors numbered 1 to 12 

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Entries: (Joe)

Scene - (Cambria), On gaining his first competitive start for the famous Kip, Joe breaks down with cramp and has to come off, if thats naw bad enough, after the match the boys are getting ready after coming oot there showers when Joe starts pulling on George's socks, George yells "whit yi dain Joe, there ma socks", there the same colour as mine, it's an easy mistake replies Joe, 

"George is wearing black socks and Joe bloody Maroon". 

   Aye Joe, naw much difference.....!!! 

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Entries: (Chipper)

Scene - (Choppers Hoose), On a Thursday night Chopper's chilling oot in the hoose when he turns to Chipper and asks him to go down to the shop and get the Evening Times so he can check out the results and league table, Chipper goes to the shop and returns with the Times...... 

"The bloody Financial Times" 

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Entries: (Chopper)

Scene - (Ravenscraig or Parklea - Take yer pick), On the Saturday morning of the West of Scotland game away to Johnstone, the weather had been bad so the majority of the team called Chopper to see if the game was still on ?  The answer from the Gaffer "Naw - it's af, but we have a friendly against the Greenock Juniors 21's at Ravenscraig on the gravel".  We get to Ravenscraig and theres about 13 of us waiting on the managment.  Next thing Oozie's mobile rings and it's Gally telling him the games at Parklea - Chopper made a mistake !!!

Made a mistake - We had a full team doon ere, best of it is - half of the boys are from the Port, coming all the way doon just to go back.  Also, Chopper had to go in goal that afternoon as wee John the keeper didn't show - guess where he was.  Doon at Ravenscraig waiting after the rest of us had left.  Yil dae anything for a game Chops.....

13 of the Kip squad have just left heading for Parklea.

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Entries: (Scott Wilson)

Scene - (William Hill), After the West of Scotland game against Glasgow Harp, the Kip lads were having a few shandies with the usual good banter, when Scott makes the mistake and admits to telling the lads about lobbing a Quid on "Anne Diamond" to win Celebrity Big Brother at odd's of 9/1.  These are the sort of things you do when yiv naw worked in a while. 

Within days of us knowing she was next oot the hoose of course......

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Entries: (Scott Wilson)

Scene - (Greenock High School), At the end of training Scott decides to let everyone know about the unofficial Inverkip Christmas night out in text.  This is how he put it (Right everyone - it's the unofficial Christmas night out on Saturday, Text for 8 oclock.  Be there or be square, only one problem though "3/4 of the committee" will naw be there until later as Scott and Aitchie had to attend a birthday bash).  There only is 3 people in the Committee, 2/3rds Scott - get yer calculater oot.

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Entries: (Oozmiester)

Scene - (Word Up Toilet), During the unofficial Christmas night out after the 3-2 victory at Millerston a few of the Kip diehards met up in Text. Ooz had a dodgy chinkie at tea time and as the night went on things began to rumble, and then really rumble, he made a dash for the cubicle as calm as could be, that calm in fact he didn't realise that the damage was done. SHIT, Calvin Kliens off, a quick clean up and back onto the Word Up dance floor without anyone finding out. My Arse

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Entries: (Scott "Justin Timberlake" Wilson)

Scene - (Word Up Dance Floor), The bold Wilson boy was out strutting his stuff one Saturday night in the local nightclub, when a young female approached him and said "Has anyone ever told you that you look like Justin Timberlake" ? Then her pal came over and they started discussing how much he did look like him only for Scott's mate Blainey to be listening in and letting out the secret.

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Entries: (Jamsie McConnachie)

Scene - (SECC), Jamsie boy organises a night out for 7 of the Kip boys to go and see Roy Chubby Brown up at the SECC. After booking the tickets he told us all were right at the front, were in the "FRONT CIRCLE" whit ever the hell that is meant to mean. On the night of the event, the boys are in the Central Station Bar cacking themselves incase they need to go for a whaz while he's on stage and being that close to the stage he'll tear you to pieces. Jamsie somehow works it oot in the pub that the front row starts at E and were in M15, so we'll be 9 rows from the front. Kinni's even on the voddi's so he's naw bagged up and bursting. On arrival at the theartre door, were up the stairs and the women points to our seats which is higher than the Nuo Camp top tier.

Great night out Jamsie but it's the last time you book the tickets.

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Entries: (Jimmy McKinnon)

Scene - (Glasgow Airport), The bold "Tash" turns up at Donnachies to meet up with the boys before going to the Roy Chubby Brown show at the SECC, only he is sporting a new look Goaty beard. On being asked what the hell is the Goaty all about, his reponse is that he's going on holiday in a couple of weeks and I've got a goaty in the picture on my Passport so I better start growing it just to make sure they know it's me, and i get into the county orite. Al Qaeda Kinni probably looked mare suspicious having the same Goaty after 6 years.

Little did Passport Control know that Kinni had a Mach 3 ready to whip af the goaty in the departure lounge.

Well Done Kinni - you saved a few people from collecting this famous trophy.

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CAPTAIN OF THE SHIP 2002/2003

Kinni - Passport Control